Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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