ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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