It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
