I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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