Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
