dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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