I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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