he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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