Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
