I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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