The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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