I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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