Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
