I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
