i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so let's talk penis.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
