yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
