thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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