Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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