Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
