Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
