I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
