I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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