i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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