I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
