You can't motorboat a personality
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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