Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
