i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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