end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
