I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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