Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
