How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
