There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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