Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize