Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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