Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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