How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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