can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
