Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the room spins SO much faster in panama
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
