hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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