Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
