I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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