I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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