I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
