My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
