guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
