I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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