Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
