why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Randomize
