I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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