He kissed a someone with a penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
