its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
