we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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