if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
