my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
