I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
