I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
