so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
