I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
