She said her name was "party"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
