I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
