i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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