And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
