Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
