I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
