I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize