I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
